Wednesday, September 13, 2017

❝ Khaleesi 7/20/14-09/13/16❞

I had wanted to make a post about Khaleesi for awhile, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I have always seen posts about people losing animals and it's this big thing. For me, I didn't want it to be a big thing because I was so devastated by it. I'm sitting in Sociology class right now, typing this, and I want to cry. I also couldn't bring myself to even write about it at the time, up until now because it was so fresh and new and I still didn't want to think about it. 
Yes. I was in denial. 
What people I don't think understood was how someone could love a lizard so much. And I think that's a stupid thing to ask, or even think about. She was my pet, first and foremost. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an avid animal lover, that is why I became a vegetarian. So I get extremely attached to my pets, reptile or not. I loved her more than any other pet I've ever had. I loved her just as much as my cats and I love her just as much as Vinny, even though she was still gone when we got him. I also did everything for her. My mom hated her so she was solely my pet (I mean of course my brother helped me if I needed it). 
That's why I was so upset with her death, and still am. Not only was that a reason, but the fact that I know she didn't die peacefully she was in pain. I knew she was sick, and so I took her to the vet. And to this day I still believe that the vets killed my lizard because she was not as bad as she was until she got back from the vet and her eyes were concave and her beard was the blackest it had ever been. 
I woke up for school the next day, got her medicine ready and I tried to give it to her but she refused to open her mouth. I knew I shouldn't have left her that morning, but school ruins everything, and so I had to go to school. When I got home she had passed away and I had completely lost it. I cried so hard, I held her and I just cried. I apologized to her because I felt like I could've done more. 
When Khaleesi passed away, the first week was super intense. I had never lost an animal before, and some of you may seriously wonder how someone can become attached to a lizard. But I was attached to her, she was like my child. I LOVED her more than anything. I did EVERYTHING for her. But I do want to thank my brother for being the greatest brother in the world because he chose willingly to pay for her vet visit when I was willing to spend the only $500 I had on her. 
I didn't leave the house for three days, and my amazingly caring mother knew how much I was affected by it so she let me stay home until I was feeling better. When I did leave the house after three horrible days, I went back to school and that was ROUGH. Everyone was asking me about it, and I had to pretend like I was okay when I wasn't. 
Some of you might also think this is being super dramatic, and that's okay, I get it. But I was upset and I'm not ashamed of that. 
Anyway, For Khaleesi: 
I miss you so much, every single day. I still think of you all the time. I kept telling myself I want another lizard (and I know I still have Drogon) but honestly I don't want to replace you. That's how much of an impact you had on me. I miss taking you out and laying you on my giant stuffed animal monkey that you loved while I did homework. 
You were so outgoing, for a lizard, and I will never forget how almost everyone who met you always commented on how you looked like you were always smiling. 
I know you were really a boy, and I always called you a girl. Sorry about that! I'm also sorry about not knowing your actual birthday, but that wasn't our fault that was Petsmarts' fault. So your birthday is just the day we got you. You will never be forgotten, and you will always be loved. You were the most interesting pet I've ever had and honestly, you're sweeter than my cat Joey. So whoever said you were ugly, or gross or mean. They're absolutely wrong. If they want mean, they can meet my cat Joey. You were the sweetest pet I've ever owned and you were not ugly, you were always "smiling" and whoever thinks that is ugly well, that's definitely their issue. 
Love you bunches, Khaleesi. 
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